Creative

This is a short story I wrote this summer inspired by Ray Bradbury’s “August 2002: A night meeting” from the martian chronicles.

Michael peeled back the black tape on the dashboard on the car to reveal the orange blinking signal “check engine” he scoffed to himself, why am I not surprised. Michael’s father was putting his things in the trunk, Michael replaced the tape before his Dad took the passenger seat next to him. Michael thought to bring it up, but decided against it, “you excited?” he asked amicably. Michael’s father had been going through what the family at first thought was a run-of-the-mill mid-life crisis, but after 20 years of spontaneous trips, impulsive buys, and about three career changes; the family was pretty sure it was not just a phase.

“Am I excited?” Dad asked rhetorically, “that’s an interesting question” he paused pretending to think hard about the question, “well,” he finally continued, “how do you suppose Neil Armstrong felt getting on space rocket?” passionately declared, “how do you think Captain James Hook felt setting sail into the new world?” Michael nodded holding his scorn back. He found it most productive to just sit back when Dad works himself up as he often does when he starts his next venture.

“You know a lot of people out there are content with their sheltered and comfortable lives, sitting back and watching and reading about other people’s accomplishments and that is just fine,” he said those last words in a way that gave Michael the sense that dad didn’t really think that. “But this, this!” he repeated holding up his tickets, “this is the way to the future, this is for people who don’t want to read history, but make it.”

“I wonder how Amelia Earhart felt when she was getting on the plane” Michael mocked unable to help himself. Michael’s dad now faced him. Michael was driving, but looked over at his dad briefly and saw the look in his eyes. It reminded Michael of the family camping trips they used to go on when Michael was a kid. Dad had the same look in his eyes when they were pitching tents, and making fires, when Dad taught him to do bear-hangs and how to spot a good tenting area. That was before Casey’s soccer tournaments started taking weekends, and Michael dropped the boy scouts and started playing video games. Michael felt bad for a moment, he understood. He really did understand why his dad was doing this.

The awkward silence was interrupted by the GPS instructing, “turn left in 100 feet” the robotic voice said. “You know if use that thing too much you’re never going to learn how to drive yourself”

“I know how to drive, dad, I’m just not sure the best way to get there” Micheal called to mind the time they went on a family road trip and dad missed the turnoff, they were stuck on the side of the road for hours waiting for mom and dad studying paper maps and yelling at each other trying to figure out where they were.

That was years ago after Dad quit his job in accounting and decided to run a bike shop in a mountain town in Oregon, he sold the house and he and mom moved into a small apartment with the bike shop on the lower level. Michael’s sister Casey was already graduating college and had moved to new york to be a journalist, but Michael was still college when they moved and went on the road trip with them.

“Turn right on Houston road” Michael made a right turn, but a few yards into the drive, Micheal’s headlights illuminated a big orange sign, “roach closure, take detour” Micheal’s Dad nodded and sternly asserted, “you see this is what happens when you follow GPS, you end up spending twice as much time turning around because the dammed thing took you someplace you weren’t supposed to be” he promptly stated like he knew this would happen. Micheal began to reverse the car and go back, “it’s the fine dad they just haven’t updated the data, it’ll reroute us once we get back on the main road. Dad harrumphed in his seat, Micheal ignored his dad’s righteousness.

They got back on the main road, but the navigation tool wasn’t rerouting, they had taken a back road to avoid traffic and they were out of range. “Hows this navigation going for you now Mr. I-know-how-to-drive” his dad teased in a playful way, but Michael resented the enjoyment his dad was getting of it. Micheal sat quiet, it had been a long time since he traveled these roads but he was pretty sure he knew where to go. He decided not to backtrack but to go up the road along the mountain ridge that separates the suburbs from the ocean. It was dark now but the fog still hung in the mountains when it had already burned off down below.

Micheal loved these roads, sometimes he would secretly take them home from work adding an extra 30 minutes to his daily commute just because the open road gave him a sense of freedom and makes him feel alive. Driving 60 mph through winding roads surrounded by a canopy of lush redwoods.

“Woah there not so fast around these turns, we won’t get there any faster if we’re dead” Micheal almost forgot that his dad was sitting next to him. That’s when Michael noticed that the fuel gauge was near empty. How could that be possible it was almost full when we started. “Dad, is your car leaking?” Dad was studying his maps he looked over “hmm, oh that, yes the fuel gauge is broken. It only tells you when you’re at empty” Micheal couldn’t hold his frustration, “Are you kidding me? When’s the last time you got this car checked out?”

Dad was startled by Micheals sudden outburst of frustration, “I can’t remember” dad replied innocently. “Of course you don’t, why would you?” everything began spilling out of Michael and he couldn’t help himself, he wasn’t even thinking about what he was saying “when’s the last time you took care of anything that matters in our house” Micheal noticed he said our house even though he hadn’t lived with his parents for years. “You’re too busy planning your trips and going out every night and leaving it to the rest of us to take care of the house, the bank accounts, and all the things you’d rather not think about while you find new ways to top your next extravagant experience” Micheals Dad sat stunned, and then calmly folded his map brewing his next words carefully. Micheal was boiling with rage and hated the way his father patronizingly established his control over the conversation.

“Now Michael,” he said sternly, “before you go criticizing me for my choices ill have you know that there’s a lot you don’t know that happens. I do take care of the house, and the expenses you may not see me do it because when I’m with you I’d rather talk about things that worthwhile with my son” Micheal felt a bit guilty, “and as for your mother. I welcomed her to come on this trip, on all my trips, I beg her, but your mother just isn’t interested in doing new things like I am, so I go on these trips alone.” Micheal knew this to be true, his mom had lost a bit of her sense of adventure, but Micheal always figured that was a product of his dad’s failure to include her. It hadn’t dawned on him that his mom was more interested in her quaint life at home. “I’ll fix the car in time, but I would rather spend the money on new things, and it works just fine besides I saw a sign for a gas station a few miles back, we should be fine”

Micheal drove ahead, a bit embarrassed. Micheal felt a relaxing feeling again and he loosened the grip of the wheel which he realized he was clenching to so tightly that his knuckles were sore. The darkness and fog made the road ahead of them seem infinite. They had been driving for a long time without seeing another car. Micheal slowed down a bit as they passed through a low layer of fog.

Micheal pulled over to an unnamed gas station at the top of the road. There was a small run-down convenience store that was closed. Micheal’s Dad hopped out of the car, “gotta take a leak” Micheal watched as his dad head towards an unmarked trail to elevate himself. Micheal began filling up the car with gas when he heard something in the bushes beside the opposite to where his dad left. Micheal looked over his shoulder, it sounded loud whatever it was, but Michael didn’t see anything. He returned to the gas pump, which was old and pumped slowly.

Again Micheal heard the loud noise, he looked over his shoulder and this time he could vaguely make out the outline of some enormous creature, unlike anything Michael could have ever seen. It was the size of a horse, but much more elegant,each of its limbs or which it had may moved like samurai swords. As the creature approached Michael it moved as if floating propelled by some invisible force. With his black eyes, the being peered down at Michael as if looking into a well.

“Hello” Michael looked around, but to his astonishment these words seemed to be coming from the creature himself. Michael unsure of himself, but not without manners replied, “Hello”

Michael’s confusement seemed duplicated by the creature in front of him, Michael looked more carefully and noticed his large horse-like muscles, and the skin was shiny, scale-like, and sparkled like diamonds catching the light. When he inhaled Michael could hear his entire chest expanding, a deep reverberation that even shook Michael.

The creature looked at him with seemingly equal bafflement, “you’ll have to pardon me, I’m a bit tired you see. I was up all night doing– well actually my first daughter was just born”  

“I’m Ned by the way” Ned said, he had been looking down at the ground while he spoke but now he examined Michael. Michael suddenly felt self-conscious, “Michael” he said clumsily, he wasn’t sure whether to reach out his hand. He wasn’t sure if Need necessarily had hands.

“Say what brings you to our neighborhood” Ned questioned michael could detect slight tone of suspicious, michael glazed down the street and only saw lush forests. Hardly a neighborhood he thought to himself. “I just…” Michael began forgetting for a moment what exactly brought him where he found himself, “my dad” Michael collected his thoughts, “I am taking my Dad to the airport, he’s going on a trip. A trip to the new planet”

“Ahhh the new planet, right. They’re always finding new ones out there. You’ll have to forgive me, I’ve nearly lost track. There seems to be a new one everyday”

“Yeah sure seems that way” Micheal felt more comfortable than ever thought he would feel talking to an alien.

“I remember when I first left my birth planet. It was a while ago, before I met the mother of my child.” I haven’t been to many, but from the ones i’ve seen I like this one best. It’s so new. So full of possibilities. And such fascinating inhabitants too. You know I heard somewhere that this used to be a water-planet” Michael was silent, “that’s right, almost all of the plant’s surface was oceans and seas. Incredible”

Micheal looked around at the cathedral of Redwoods around him, forming a canopy surrounding him, filling the air with the smell of time and salty seas. And above the canopy Michael could see stars which most of time felt distinant, but at that moment felt close as if painted onto a ceiling that michael could reach out and touch.

“Where are you from?” Michael realized then that maybe he should be asking his new friend when rather than where. What a crazy thought.

“Oh my birth planet was beautiful, and I have many fond memories, but the more I travel, earth man, the more I realize that the exact location where your parent sprouts you into existence is nothing more than throwing a stone into the water. Where the stone happens to fall changes about the velocity of the ripple nor the sound it makes as it drops. We’re here now, you and I. I’m alive. You’re alive. The air I breathe now was breathed by trees that lived here thousands of years ago, and the limbs I have now will soon become part of this place I was not born. As is life, earth man”

Micheal nodded in agreement, the two earthings thought in silence in solitary. Suddenly, Micheal remembered the pump that he had left. He abruptly turned back to see the pump, realizing his panic was whether the pump was still even there. Michael turned back and for a moment he couldn’t see Ned, but there he was. Michael noticed now that his skin wasn’t sparkly but rather reflective of the stars above, a whole kaleidoscope inside his purply, navy body. He was beautiful.

“Well, I really should be getting back, no use talking the ear off of a stranger when my girl is experiencing the world for the first time” Ned said cordially.

“Yes, well, congratulations” Michael replied, “nice to meet you” and Michael really meant it.

“Good luck on your journey, Micheal, safe travels” Michael turned away a little sad. He wanted to look back as he walked back to the car, but didn’t want to admit he was afraid that there may not be anything when he looked back.

What a strange dream that was, Michael thought to himself.

What a weird meeting thought Ned.

When he got back to the car, his Dad was already in the passenger seat. “You know you’re really going to like your trip,” said Micheal. Dad nodded and smiled, and they drove off into the darkness, unafraid.

After finishing my freshman year, I went on a 10-day 120-mile trip with my Dad on the Appalician trail through the smokey mountains. I had a lot of time to reflect on the trail, and i recorded everything in a small paper journal. Unfortunately, I lost the journal on the airplane back to San Francisco, over the course of the few weeks after the trip I’ve slowly come to realize what made the trip so important. So in place of my journal I made this list of 8 lessons I learned on the trail that we can apply to “fake world” (not “real-world).

“Happiness is the state of going somewhere, wholeheartedly, one-directionally, without reservation or regret”

– Dr. William H Sheldon.

1. Notice what you notice

On the very first day on the trail, I was looking over a pass with dad and he asked me what I saw, the mere question helped me appreciate the scenic landscape more. Being surrounded by trees and greenery makes you reflective. Nature is the perfect empathetic mirror. Nature is stimulating without demanding our attention as the man-made stimulus is. Therefore, our attention follows its natural path and in this way is a form of self-reflection, and even self-restoration. We naturally focus on what we are drawn to. When we notice what we are drawn to and we naturally project our own state of being onto our surrounding through our gaze. When in our life will i be surrounded by green for hours and days at a time.

“don’t let the hiking get in the way of the hike”

-written on the wall of fontanda hilton, a shleter we stayed in on day six.

2. Gaining Perceptive. we came over the newfound gap and started a trek upwards, dad pointed out that the vegetation was very different here than what we were walking down through on the way into newfound gap. I then connected

3. confidence I am doing things I’ve never done and didn’t know if I could do. going long distances and looking out is rewarding to see what we accomplished but it is also rewarding to know that I can walk long long ways. Big tasks become smaller when we realize that the act of going is much more simple.

“I like to suffer and its pretty”

a through-hikers (checklist) response when I asked her why she was hiking the Appalachian trail

4. Appreciation Appreciate the basic things, like a shower or real food.

5. Resilience Calm under pressure: Spilling dinner, when we thought we lost the bag of valuables

6. Generosity the trail brings out the best in people, and in a way, we joined a convent, an intentional community of like-minded people.

7. Anchoring now that I have been off the trail. I think to myself, what would trail Brooke do. Long term thinking and surrounded by greenery helps you take a step back and realize what is important.

8. Family matters It was cool to talk to dad for a long time about his past and my first year at college and to learn from him. I am amazed at how similar we are to each other. Every day I become more and more like you, and I love that. My dad will not be able to do the trail forever.

Jesus said that the core of being Christian is to love God and love thy neighbor as thyself. Except Jesus wouldn’t have used these words. This is the English translation and English has a very loose definition of that keyword, love. We use the same word to say “I love you, mom” as we do to say “I love ice cream.” “love” in English doesn’t have a clear definition. So, how do we know what “love thy neighbor” really means? Jesus originally spoke these words in Aramaic and would have used the word “rakhma” meaning unconditional or compassionate love” however, we don’t get this phrase directly from Jesus either — we get it from the new testament, which was written much later than Jesus’s day and in greek. The word Jesus’s followers use to quote Jesus is “agape” the highest form of love. The kind of love that is self-giving without expectation of receiving anything in return. Earlier Christian followers didn’t look to a dictionary or a word study to understand “agape” they look to Jesus’s actions and miracles.

Whether you are Catholic or not, we can learn something about these values. Agape is different from romantic love, or even how you love a friend. Page is not a feeling you have for someone, it is not something that happens to you. Agape is an action you take to help those around you without expecting anything in return. This love is especially powerful when we give it not because we want to, but because someone needs it. Today, I want to share what Agape means to me and how I came to this realization.

Sine this summer I have been working at a homeless shelter in Palo Alto. At first, going there made me feel depressed. I focused on all the injustice and hardship I saw. I felt like there was nothing I could do to help. This feeling was overwhelming, but eventually, I stopped letting this heavy weight bother me and channeled this energy into service. I started learning. I started talking to people not just homeless people but policymakers, researchers, religious leaders, classmates, and graduate students. I found a serious lack of mental health care, which motivated me to start a health and wellness program. This act came from a place of responding to a human need –in this way, I was practicing agape. And When I started this project I was full of doubt. I thought people were not going to care or they might be angry or think I was naive, but that not the response I got at all. I started bringing in people, yoga teachers, exercise equipment, and talking to people about their health needs. And once I started doing this people got excited. And it wasn’t the stationary bike making people happy. The healing began when people came in and showed a genuine interest in their well being. Starting this program has been one of the most gratifying experiences of my life. And all it took was caring and standing with people who needed care and help the most. In this very practical way, I was able to learn and come to realize how I could best serve people in my community. I let my head lead me to respond to a need, and I am proud of what I accomplished. But this talk isn’t about healing the world — it’s about love — its about agape.

When I visit the shelter. I park at play and walk through town and country because they don’t want homeless people to stay the night in the parking for the shoppers. One day, on a late start Wednesday, I was walking down El Camino and saw a woman across the street laying on the sidewalk. I could have walked by her. I could have forgotten her seconds after I passed her like I have done many times. But I didn’t, when I saw her I crossed the street and came over to her. She was an elderly woman; her hair was matted with dirt, and her face was cracked and tired looking. I knelt down, her clothes smelled terrible; there were urine stains on the blanket wrapped around her, and what looked like dried vomit on her jacket. She looked emaciated and weak. I might have walked by her, but I didn’t because I knew her. I met Sage when I was doing survey outreach for the city of Palo Alto. They were trying to get an estimate of how many elderly homeless people are living in Palo Alto, so I was asking people questions like why they were homeless, how long they have been homeless, and what they needed most. When I met her, she looked nothing like the way I saw her that day. Sage was one of the most competent people I talked to that day. She used to be an English teacher. I used to come in and she would ask me about the short stories I was reading in class, she would hand me articles and tell me she was praying for me.

In November, however, I started noticing that she was changing. At first, it was small stuff, she started talking about people following her. She was convinced that someone was always watching her, that someone was stalking her. She would get so paranoid that she’d call the police and bring them to the shelter. Soon, she was blacklisted by 911. She started getting angry, she felt like no one was helping her, no one was listening to her. Sage has been homeless for 15 years now after her husband died in a motorcycle accident. She refuses to get the help she needs because she doesn’t want to give out any of her personal information. She thinks that she will come out of her homelessness, and when she does, she doesn’t want any affiliation with being homeless. Despite the fact that there are services available that would help her get off the streets and into stable housing, she would refuse to get any real help. Soon I started supplying her with materials she needed to survive because she didn’t trust any of the case managers or administrators at the shelter. I was collecting whatever I could rain boots, clothes, toiletries, towels for showering, bandaging and Advil, and groceries. But I was only coming into the opportunity center so often. Sage isn’t getting what she needed to survive. This December, things took a turn for the worst when her car broke down. There are services to fit it, but she refused to tell the people at the shelter her last name so they can’t help her. She started getting angrier. She would tell caseworkers, administrators, other clients, even volunteers. She became so paranoid she wouldn’t let other people touch her, or physically come near her — including me. Actually one day I had my phone out on the patio and she started yelling at me. She was convinced I walk taking pictures of her. She told me that I was being rude and disrespectful. She used more foul language and I was shocked by her outburst. That was when I knew they were much worse than I thought. In January, she stopped coming to the shelter altogether. She no longer had a place to sleep at night nor any food or other services that the shelter was providing. She was relying on church offerings and handouts from the street. I heard from other people at the shelter that they had seen her around and she was telling other people on the streets not to come to this shelter because all the people are backward and were harassing her, the following her and trying to steal her identity. This made me sad but unfortunately, I can’t say this is the first time someone I knew at the shelter went on a downward spiral.

When I saw her that day last February lying on the street helpless. I wish I could say that I immediately felt bad for sage. But I didn’t. I was mad. I was mad at her for not letting us help her. I was mad at the world for being so screwed up that this would happen. I was mad at God for giving her the life that she had. I was mad at myself for feeling angry. But all this resentment wasn’t going to change what I was about to do. I grabbed sage by the hand, they were freezing. I don’t know why she was there that day– but I’d imagine that she was close to the shelter for a reason and that she was in desperate need of help. As I helped her up from the sidewalk, she didn’t say anything. I was surprised to see that she didn’t resist me at all. In fact, she held onto me tightly. I was surprised to see how much she was relying on me, putting her whole weight on me. I took her towards the shelter. As we were getting closer to the building I turned to see that there were tears coming down her face, leaving streaks in the dir on her cheeks. As ai brought her into the building the guards took her from me into the clinic. Truly I didn’t even know if she knew I was the one that brought her in. I got some juice and food from the kitchen. When I came back I had the food to the burse. By this time the door to the clinic is closed and she is with the clinician. At that moment, I know what’s going to happen next, but I was just standing there on the outside. I know that she is going to get some initial help and as soon as she really needs something she will refuse to give any information and leave. I couldn’t be here to watch her do this again. So I go back to get her beg, which I left on the sidewalk outside where I found her. When I get back she was still in the clinic, and from the state of the nurse I could tell what I thought was going to happen was happening. I was disappointed in her. I stuffed her bag with toiletries, shower pills, clean clothes, some first-aid gear, and Safeway gift cards. I left the bag with the nurse and I left. I got into my car and had an absolute breakdown. I cried like I never have, and I listened to translations. This is the kind of love that doesn’t make you feel good, but something that you have to do.

Love — agape — is not one we give because we want to, but because someone needs it. Form this act of agape was quite obvious — but god acts through us in small ways every day. Every time we let go of our judgments and chose to love someone anyway we are practicing agape. Agape love is hard, we can imagine that the heart of the world is this being with overflowing love for the world. It is our job to receive this love, but also to love each other. Agape is as simple as reaching out to someone in need, putting someone else’s needs above our own.

my dad and I were stuck in traffic driving up to Sonoma County for a family weekend. We were accidentally listening to a doomsday message on the radio about the coming millennium and the earth will be renewed. I asked my dad “what would this appeal to anyone?” we were talking for a while and eventually he asked me, “well, whats the greatest gift you could give someone?”

I thought about this question for a long time, the whole weekend. I came up with my answer: knowledge. I thought about the greatest gifts I have received in my life.

My dad had a different answer: hope. Humans appeal to the future, he argues. You can give someone the gift of looking forward to something greater in the future, its how we’re wired. I thought about it for a while and said yes, that is the greatest gift you could give someone.

I asked my other friend the same question, he said the ability to give yourself long-lasting contentment. Teach a man to fish sort of thing. I countered that hope was the greatest gift he disagreed being happy at the moment is much more rewarding than making a habit of looking expectantly to the future. In time, I came to agree. Contentment is the best gift.

I asked another friend, he said that the greatest gift you can give someone is your time, attention, and understanding. He told me about how his best friend from college went on trips together and shared each other’s lives with each other and how that was the most meaningful experience he had in his first year of college. Connection, he said, is the greatest gift you can give someone. I loved this answer and I reflected on my most meaningful relationships, and I agreed.

I asked my brother the same question, he said kindness. Simple acts of kindness that were not called for. I loved this answer too, and I said to myself, how can all of these answers be true?

Then it dawned on me that each answer was more telling about the character of the person than what is the greatest gift. Not only does it reveal what each person values, but it reflects how that person sees themselves. The question prompts people to answer in terms of what they think they have to offer the people around them.

I answered knowledge because I think that is what makes me interesting to other people and I enjoy sharing ideas. My Dad answered hope because he is good at inspiring people and he plans for the future. My friend answered connection because he is good at building friendships and bonds well with other people.

Another way to look at it would be what are the most meaningful experiences you’ve had in your life. I know for me the times when I have felt most immersed in the world and completely lost myself in my work was when I was doing deep intellectual and service work. I enjoy expanding my world view through reading, thinking, and meeting new people.